I haven’t really done one of this yet on the blog and I thought I’d give it a go. Brace yourself, it’s a long one.
October for me has been a weird and amazing month; it’s a month where I remembered stuff about me that I had forgotten, it’s the month where I’ve actuated changes and seen results, it’s the month where I didn’t let setbacks have the best of me, it’s the month of new intentions, of festivities and spirituality, of feeling valid, appreciated and loved, of feeling cherished and supported by who counts the most; it’s the month of caring about people, of reaching out and I have to say… it has been my favourite month so far. I just hope that this feeling will stick to me in the weeks and months to come… but let’s break it down, shall we?
M e a l p l a n s :
this has to have been the biggest change so far and the one with more results!
I was spending way too much money on takeaways and daily unplanned groceries ( where boredom and a total lack of fantasy would bring me towards sandwiches and ready meals) and I had just come out from a chest infection that was the end of a cold that I nursed for almost a month (my immune system was so low that after going back to work for one ( 1) day my throat was hurting again) I needed to do something. A friend had suggested vitamins, but those costs and there would’ve been no point seeing how my diet was not exactly the healthiest! So I thought I’d give it a go and fill an entire week with as many veggies as I could think but I would make it delicious, and that I did!
The week was fast planned, thank you Pinterest ( you can click here for my recipe board) and the grocery shopping amounted to less than 25L.
Cue a week later and I felt amazing, not only physically but mentally! I managed to stick with a project for an entire week even tho my schedule was crazy and I was looking forward to the next! Also, and that was the most unexpected part, I experienced two full days without a shred of anxiety or depression! I was completely on top and I loved it ( I mean, I did spend the first day giving myself anxiety because I wasn’t having any, but still… well, at least I managed to make the second day count! ).
That week and the weeks that followed helped me feel that If I’m kind to myself changes actually shows right away and I used my free time from myself to plant my way for what’s to come, I even decided to join the gym!
B l o g :
I’ve started writing constantly on my blog again, having fun with it and finding that calming feeling in using pen and paper that I had lost during the years.
Isn’t it funny how depression can make you forget how much you loved and were good at something? Well, I finally remembered. I also remembered the method that worked for me, so now I’m carrying around with me a small a6 Journal that I’ve been gifted on my birthday and I write down entire blog posts while on my breaks at work or on the go in the tube etc, It’s so refreshing!
Before I was always pretty secretive in my daily life about my blog, I now opened up about it. Talking and with my colleagues and friends and asking for their thoughts, this gave me that extra boost that reminded me that, yeah… maybe I’m good enough… I mean, I didn’t graduate, but this is what I studied, more or less… and with that shred of self-confidence I even started talking more regularly to my mother about it and her feedback was what made me thrive the most. Growing up she was my biggest critic and not always in a constructive way. I do believe she only had my interest in mind and always had her own problems, but she had a way to shout down any creative tendency or interest that I would show deeming me not good or talented enough in any artistic activity to be worth the time that I could otherwise use to study. Feeling her now being supportive of my reading and writing and taking pictures is… wow! She even opens every single post I send her and shares it with her friends on Facebook, the funny thing is… none of them can read English!
Obviously I can’t help but stop and wonder what type of person I would be and what life I would have if she had been supportive since the beginning, I always strived for her approval and struggled knowing I never really had it, I always felt never was enough, Well I Know I am now and she learned how to show it or maybe I just learned how to see it, our relationship is way different from how it was growing up and I’ve decided to focus solely on that, to thrive from now onward and bask in her acknowledgement of my creativity as well as my own sense of what I like and what I enjoy doing. It’s never too late.
I n s t a g r a m :
I’ve finally found my peace with Instagram, my personal imprint, my perfect balance between all the things I love and, last but not least, my perfect way to edit pictures. Gone are the days where I would bask in bed knowing that I had to go and take some pictures but not really have a clue how to. now I have my special weird corner in my garden and few props and everything seems so pretty and easy! Prague’s pictures help too, even if they are quickly coming to an end… I hope you guys will like London just as much!
F r i e n d s :
This is not much of a thing that ” happened” but a thing that I’m making happen slowly and in tiny ways… I’m not that used to having a lot of friends, I talk a lot, I’m easy-going but I’m actually an introvert. Growing up I always had my best friend and I never really belonged in any ” group” nor I still really do. Vanished that facade of extraversion I don’t know how to maintain conversations going or how to actively ask other people about them if they don’t jump in the share wagon… I can pass as self-absorbed, believe me, that’s not the case, I’m just bad at this, I want to know about my friends’ life I just assume they will share as I do and end up getting lost in talking instead of asking or listening. I’m trying to get better, to press and ask that ” how are you ” and actually listen, to reach out more and more constantly, to send them something that would make them smile, to meet up more frequently or to simply talk more regularly. To actually have movie nights, to set an alarm to send them cat gifs, and It’s working, at least for me. At the same time, I’ve let go of people who I have realised were toxic for me. I haven’t really changed much towards them, I just re-evaluated the level of energy and thoughts that I was reserving them, directing those energies towards people who actually care and are good for me.
R o u t i n e:
This last point is actually a change that Michelle at Daisybutter inspired.
I decided to start waking up at 8, take a cup of water, just browse my emails and then make tea, wake up properly and then get cracking on a blog post or a review or similar. Starting slow but earlier give me the time to do editing and admin stuff in the morning and let creativity flow when at work or after the sun goes down, yes, like vampires! Working late evenings is easy to just end up spending the entire day in bed and this helped me have sooo much more time and be so much more productive! I mean, it’s only 10 and I’ve already finished this blog post! Which… It’s also incredibly long, so…
thank you, if you are still here and you’ve read through all this rant, here is a cookie!
I wish you the best November and a happy Halloween!