BLOGMAS #24 — On Christmas ( eve)

I’ve been in London a bit more than 3 years and for the past 3 years I’ve spent Christmas on my own, at the beginning it was refreshing, it still is I guess, my family at home is… pretty full-on Christmas-wise, My mother is obsessed with this holiday, my entire family gets together and the day is a run of passive aggressiveness, hints at my weight and my being single first from my mother side of the family and later from my dad’s part of it! That day leaves me always anxious and upset so for the first two years curling up with a book on my own, in silence in a bed made with new linens and the fireplace app on my laptop was simply a gift to myself from myself. It helped also that for the past two years my mental health hadn’t been at its peak, isolating myself and recharging seemed like the best idea and it was! Really!
This year, however, I found myself in need to get out, to do things, to enjoy the holidays! I tried so hard during the run to that day to feel Christmas as I usually do and it wasn’t until the 19 that I started doing so! Oh, Christmas spirit come and hit me square in the face, please! I knew that the Christmas party with the secret Santa would’ve done the trick and I was not disappointed ( my secret Santa got me a Filofax! Can you believe it!?)!

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Once I was in the Christmas spirit and yule was behind me I decided that I, for sure, needed to accept my friends invite this year and spend at least one day with them! We decided to celebrate Christmas eve as I would’ve already been out for work and on Christmas public transports are nonexistent! Let me start with saying I never had more fun. I don’t do other people’s places or mine for what is worth, Lately, I’ve limited myself to meet my friends in cafés, cinemas and so on! So I had never been at Silvia’s even if a while ago she moved a lot nearer to me!  ( I don’t like new things or changes, can you guys tell? )

So, yeah, me and my half-made vegan shepherds pie ( of which I’ll write the recipe soon on the blog) made our way to my friend’s house and a few glasses of wine, several trips made by S. to the store, three Christmas playlists, five forks lost, two way-too-sharp knives  and four baking trays later,  we were laughing and enjoying the amazing food that mainly Julia had prepared  ( that woman does know how to make a mean steak)! I just love my friends so much and I love being around them, I just forget how comfortable and amazing it is just to chat and linger around, how adorable is getting to tickle each other or mock one another, how judge free is to open up with them and how undoubtedly you can feel at home just doing a movie marathon or drinking mulled wine and just relax basking in each other laughter. Anxiety, depression, self-consciousness, over thinking and laziness stops me way too many times to spend time with the people I care about, to reach out, keep in touch and just be together for the sake of it. In 2019 I want to be better at this, to remember more often how it feels to leave from a night like that with a stupid smile on my face and knowing that the world has people like Silvia and Julia, but also people like  Alice, Josh, Bethan and Marta ( yay, shout-outs!) in it! People so amazing, talented, open, forgiving, patient, understanding, creative, witty, funny, warm and spectacular and that I’m so so so lucky that I can call them my friends is the best Christmas present I can ever ask for.

So Happy Holidays, Happy Blogmas, I love you all!

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