I’ve been on and off the dating scene for quite some time and, as a plus size and a serial monogamous person, I think I can say I’ve really seen it all. There is the cheeky bastard that thinks he can get into your pants just with his shit-eating grin; the virgin that thinks he can prey on your pity; the “I-want-it-all-but-I-don’t-want-commitment-but-only-on-my-side” kind of guy; and so on, but the most fucked up ” type of match” I’ve encountered so far has to be the asholis manipulatoris.

The assholis manipulatoris, or ” sly bastard ” as it’s commonly known, will lure you into a false sense of understanding and compatibility, they will be so absolutely smooth that you will find yourself in the middle of it way before you can realise what’s going on! You will be apologising to them for their mistakes, taking their sides even when they’re wrong, feeling bad for stuff that you love, and feel like you are exaggerating when you voice your opinion or a quarrel about something you feel mad about ( and rightly so). The sly bastard is selfish, self absorbed and cunning. Master of deception, will gaslight it’s victim making them start to doubt themselves and their reality. All the action will come from you, they will never lift a finger. You’ll find yourself revolving around their schedule and you’ll know that your time is not as important as their. You’ll never be enough for them.

Now, I know that’s terrifying, this chameleons are everywhere, hiding in plain sight in the form of nice guys and adorable girls ( or cool nonbinarys) ( or fabulous genderfluids), but don’t you fret:  Only the purebloods can trick you into properly giving your soul for them and even then if you know where to look you’ll manage to run as far away as possible before they become dangerous.


Pro tip:
” wow you are really passionate about this…”
Could be an amazing phrase, but if it’s said in a patronizing way is the exact hopposite of healthy! No one should feel like something they are excited about is shit or not worthy the time of the day! So, how can you tell? Well, If it makes you want to apologise about something – anything- that makes you happy… Boi bye!

There is also to say, that in the see of their empty “I’m sorry”, the sly bastard is an easily recognisable creature; their disguise will make you do a double take, sure, but if you are looking for the signs they are easy to spot! Just look for the complete disregard of any type of value in your time as opposed to the absolute gold of theirs, there, you are done!

Also, plus size babes, don’t worry! The major part of the ones that populates our corner of the dating world are a rather weak and mixed specimen, living in the false assumption that we’ll take shreds of attention from left and right and we’ll treat it like gold and diamond because, obviously, we are all terrified of dying spinsters. No surprise here when I say that they are wrong. soooo wrong! We are smart, capable, sassy and have the biggest heart! we believe and we want to give everybody the benefict of the doubt, sure! But, that’s all! we are loved and we are worth so, so much more than what the sly bastard would like us to think!

remember guys: you are valid! your time is valid, your work is valid, your passions are valid, your feelings are valid, your anger is valid, your dreams are valid, your self-care is worthy and you are amazing! 


In the end, I’m not really sure where I was going with this post, it’s just a rant, but it’s also something new and pressing? I think, all in all, I just thought that maybe this could help someone in a similar situation, someone that hasn’t gone through as many assholes as I did, and that doesn’t know where to look as far as red flags go.
Also, sometimes you just need someone to tell you that, yes! This is absolutely a valid reason to send someone to fuck off!

I don’t know, would you like to know more about this? To have more dating stuff on the blog?

This is a bit of a new thing but you on Instagram voted for it to go through so… here it is.img_1630

It was a dark and stormy night ( Nah it was like 4 pm on a sunny day, but… we need the drama, so…) of 2016  that found young (?) Jessica and Silvia ( which shall from now on be referred, for the records, as S. or Ex-wife) in cafe inside Waterstone planning blog contents of one of my failed previous attempt and… well, enjoying each other company; when we decided we had lived in London long enough to be considered preposterous not having moved much from Soho so we vowed to explore, lists had been made, Pinterest boards had been planned and promises had been enounced (?), but when It came to it we never actually did any of it. Cue two years later ( oh sweet modern days!) and still we haven’t seen much! So, thanks to a new job that now allows us to have the same day off we decided to actually get to exploring. Since, then, this is bound to be a regular occasion I thought I might use the occasion to write a sort of… diary in order to motivate myself to say yes more often and storage all the pictures that, otherwise, would just remain in my camera roll forever.

Like most of you know ( or will now) Notting Hill is one of my favourite movies. Having seen it a thousand times, I’ve started to feel like I’ve actually been there even if I’ve never really set foot into that part of town! Yes, I’ve lived in London for three years, Yes, I’m an awful human being…

What was stopping me? I guess principally it was the worry that it wouldn’t meet my expectations, I had somewhat a vivid image of it in my mind and I didn’t want for it to disappoint me. It certainly was different, but different doesn’t always mean bad.

 

My day had actually started in a slow way, I was exhausted from the week I had just had and I didn’t want nor I managed to wake up early. I knew I had some work scheduled for 13 and that I would’ve had to finish it before getting out of the house so I, regrettably, ended up lazying around my bedroom until that time. Having finished work later than I had planned and, accomplice the new wintertime, having now only a couple of hours left of light  I was tempted to call the day off. I knew that It would take me an hour to get there! The FOMO was real, knowing I wouldn’t be able to experience portobello slowly, that everything would be soon closed… made my anxiety spike, but I knew that If I wanted to start this I needed to stick with it. I told myself it was just a date with my ex-wife, nothing particularly important or special, simply in a different place, and I could always go back there anytime I wanted to, It’s not like it’s on the other side of the world!
Fortunately, S. knows how to get me out of any roundabout my brain would lock me in and just keep me present with just her presence and I started having fun and enjoying myself right from the tube. I was now a woman on a mission, I wanted to reach at least the bookshop of the movie before sundown and, in the way there, I was determined to take as many pictures as possible ( my decent Prague pictures are fastly coming to a fast end).

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Everything was gorgeous; the houses there are simply breathtaking, the green and the lovely marble, the small coloured houses, the red brick condos and the vintage storefronts… I don’t know when I started falling in love with Architecture, I blame my history of the art teacher in High school but I felt at home; I felt like running down portobello road and stopping to every stand, buying all the trinkets and take all the pictures. At a certain point S had to drag me away saying that if I was so picked to get to the bookshop in time I would have to stop windowshopping, So off we went.

I was a woman on a mission, knee deep in a fallacious quest doomed to failure as I put myself in the cunning hands of Silvia’s citymapper. I love my friend but she’s not exactly tech savvy and her phone has probably the dodgiest GPS in history. We went rounds and round, the shop and stalls were fast leaving space to amazing white houses with basement apartments that we lost ourself dreaming of owning ( or even affording to rent) one day and then… well, there was no chance in hell that a bookshop would be in that road! Shop fronts were long gone and barely no one was on the streets! One look at S. confused face and I did what I should’ve done since the beginning, I Googled it.

We laughed about it, blessing our immaginary divorce and moving forward towards the right allotment

Sometimes the easiest way is the right one and asking a human being is usually the quickest and most reliable way of going. The bookshop was just off the main road, not far from the turn we took to get deep into the residential area. It was ok, we still had time and all was good.

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I stood outside the bookshop watching and trying to put what I had in front of my eyes right on top of the image of that place that I had so deeply buried into my mind; I don’t know what I was expecting, that the inside would be the same? That they would really sell just travel books? That Hug grant would be welcoming me from behind the counter?  I don’t know but It wasn’t it and I… I wasn’t really disappointed, I just didn’t know what to feel! All became quite clear when I stepped inside and I fell in love all over again. Books. Yes, I know, it’s a bookshop there is bound to be bloody books! But my favourite books! Everywhere, in a bright display, all of them! You know how bookshops have normal books put up their bookshelves and one or two per row with their cover facing the costumes to attract the eye, right? Well there was not a book I had not loved or that wasn’t on my TBR. What’s the point, one might say if that doesn’t help you discover new books you might love? Well, that made me feel understood, I knew that if the attendant were to walk to me and suggest me a book I would’ve bought it without even reading the synopsis, because they got my taste to the T.  I did end up not buying anything, but mainly because I couldn’t simply choose between all the P&P edition that they had on display and I wanted to buy too many other books to be able to narrow it down to one ( or max three…)
That place is a bookstagrammer dream, the colours, the covers, the editions available and under it all, the skeleton of one of the bookshops most seen in the world thanks to that beautiful, amazing movie.

 

The rest of the day was a bit weird, It was dark so soon that made both me and S. extremely tired out of the blue. Food was amazing but we were actually not prepared to do anything without light or open shops and neither of us was feeling like going home so we decided to stop at the Gelatiera in Covent Garden for vegan waffles, dairy-free brownies with sorbet and a vegan hot chocolate of dreams before wandering lazily towards our busses enjoying each other company and planning our next outing and the other ones to come.

So, yeah, that’s it, nothing really exciting, just a day in the life, a diary entry! I actually really enjoyed writing this post, I might do more of it, let me know if you like the idea!
Have a lovely weekend, guys!

I haven’t really done one of this yet on the blog and I thought I’d give it a go. Brace yourself, it’s a long one.
October for me has been a weird and amazing month; it’s a month where I remembered stuff about me that I had forgotten, it’s the month where I’ve actuated changes and seen results, it’s the month where I didn’t let setbacks have the best of me, it’s the month of new intentions, of festivities and spirituality, of feeling valid, appreciated and loved, of feeling cherished and supported by who counts the most; it’s the month of caring about people, of reaching out and I have to say… it has been my favourite month so far. I just hope that this feeling will stick to me in the weeks and months to come… but let’s break it down, shall we?

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M e a l  p l a n s :
this has to have been the biggest change so far and the one with more results!
I was spending way too much money on takeaways and daily unplanned groceries ( where boredom and a total lack of fantasy would bring me towards sandwiches and ready meals) and I had just come out from a chest infection that was the end of a cold that I nursed for almost a month (my immune system was so low that after going back to work for one ( 1) day my throat was hurting again) I needed to do something. A friend had suggested vitamins, but those costs and there would’ve been no point seeing how my diet was not exactly the healthiest! So I thought I’d give it a go and fill an entire week with as many veggies as I could think but I would make it delicious, and that I did!
The week was fast planned, thank you Pinterest ( you can click here for my recipe board) and the grocery shopping amounted to less than 25L.
Cue a week later and I felt amazing, not only physically but mentally! I managed to stick with a project for an entire week even tho my schedule was crazy and I was looking forward to the next! Also, and that was the most unexpected part,  I experienced two full days without a shred of anxiety or depression! I was completely on top and I loved it ( I mean, I did spend the first day giving myself anxiety because I wasn’t having any, but still… well, at least I managed to make the second day count! ).
That week and the weeks that followed helped me feel that If I’m kind to myself changes actually shows right away and I used my free time from myself to plant my way for what’s to come, I even decided to join the gym!

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B l o g :
I’ve started writing constantly on my blog again, having fun with it and finding that calming feeling in using pen and paper that I had lost during the years.
Isn’t it funny how depression can make you forget how much you loved and were good at something? Well, I finally remembered. I also remembered the method that worked for me, so now I’m carrying around with me a small a6 Journal that I’ve been gifted on my birthday and I write down entire blog posts while on my breaks at work or on the go in the tube etc, It’s so refreshing!
Before I was always pretty secretive in my daily life about my blog, I now opened up about it. Talking and with my colleagues and friends and asking for their thoughts, this gave me that extra boost that reminded me that, yeah… maybe I’m good enough… I mean, I didn’t graduate, but this is what I studied, more or less… and with that shred of self-confidence I even started talking more regularly to my mother about it and her feedback was what made me thrive the most. Growing up she was my biggest critic and not always in a constructive way. I do believe she only had my interest in mind and always had her own problems, but she had a way to shout down any creative tendency or interest that I would show deeming me not good or talented enough in any artistic activity to be worth the time that I could otherwise use to study. Feeling her now being supportive of my reading and writing and taking pictures is… wow! She even opens every single post I send her and shares it with her friends on Facebook, the funny thing is… none of them can read English!
Obviously I can’t help but stop and wonder what type of person I would be and what life I would have if she had been supportive since the beginning, I always strived for her approval and struggled knowing I never really had it, I always felt never was enough, Well I Know I am now and she learned how to show it or maybe I just learned how to see it, our relationship is way different from how it was growing up and I’ve decided to focus solely on that, to thrive from now onward and bask in her acknowledgement of my creativity as well as my own sense of what I like and what I enjoy doing. It’s never too late.

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I n s t a g r a m :
I’ve finally found my peace with Instagram, my personal imprint, my perfect balance between all the things I love and, last but not least, my perfect way to edit pictures. Gone are the days where I would bask in bed knowing that I had to go and take some pictures but not really have a clue how to. now I have my special weird corner in my garden and few props and everything seems so pretty and easy! Prague’s pictures help too, even if they are quickly coming to an end… I hope you guys will like London just as much!

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F r i e n d s :
This is not much of a thing that ” happened” but a thing that I’m making happen slowly and in tiny ways… I’m not that used to having a lot of friends, I talk a  lot, I’m easy-going but I’m actually an introvert. Growing up I always had my best friend and I never really belonged in any ” group” nor I still really do. Vanished that facade of extraversion I don’t know how to maintain conversations going or how to actively ask other people about them if they don’t jump in the share wagon… I can pass as self-absorbed, believe me, that’s not the case, I’m just bad at this, I want to know about my friends’ life I just assume they will share as I do and end up getting lost in talking instead of asking or listening. I’m trying to get better, to press and ask that ” how are you ” and actually listen, to reach out more and more constantly, to send them something that would make them smile, to meet up more frequently or to simply talk more regularly. To actually have movie nights, to set an alarm to send them cat gifs, and It’s working, at least for me. At the same time, I’ve let go of people who I have realised were toxic for me. I haven’t really changed much towards them, I just re-evaluated the level of energy and thoughts that I was reserving them, directing those energies towards people who actually care and are good for me.

R o u t i n e:
This last point is actually a change that Michelle at Daisybutter inspired.
I decided to start waking up at 8, take a cup of water, just browse my emails and then make tea, wake up properly and then get cracking on a blog post or a review or similar. Starting slow but earlier give me the time to do editing and admin stuff in the morning and let creativity flow when at work or after the sun goes down, yes, like vampires!  Working late evenings is easy to just end up spending the entire day in bed and this helped me have sooo much more time and be so much more productive! I mean, it’s only 10 and I’ve already finished this blog post! Which… It’s also incredibly long, so…

thank you, if you are still here and you’ve read through all this rant, here is a cookie!
I wish you the best November and a happy Halloween!