Hi, I’m Jess and all my friends are in happy, healthy and committed relationships.
I can’t even say it sucks because it doesn’t! I’m grateful for the people that they are with and for the happiness they share, for the example they set and the position they have in my life. 

I’m a Libra, settle is naturally my second name. My friends are the ones to thank when it comes to the high standards that I now have and their ability to remain strong in place. But it’s not only that, no. I have to thank them for never making me feel like the fifth one out, for appreciating me for me – as a person – and not as the half of something that it’s not there. They don’t see fault in my singletude, they see a bright person that is part of their life ( I hope).
It’s also to say that it’s thanks to the total absence of ” we need to find you someone”  and ” when you’ll have what we have you’ll understand” That I have the confidence and the absolute strength to love me first. It’s thanks to people like my friends that I don’t put my self worth in other people: if there is no one there to romance me, I’m still valid and still fabulous.
Sure, it’s also their absolute fault that I do crave a partner and that – after everything –  I still believe in love! But it’s a healthy crave, one that speaks of want and not need, of companionship and laughter; and of liking them for who they are and how they slot right in with me. It’s thanks to them that I don’t try to change, to bend and do the same to the first bastard that likes me back. You can’t complete a puzzle just pushing pieces together because you want them to go where they don’t belong. 

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So, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for Silvia and Julia that are goofy and loving. For Alice and Josh that are surprising and understanding, and I’m thankful for every other coupled friend I have because, without you, my life would probably be both hopeless and miserable: I fall too easily and too quickly. I give my all in the hope that someone out there will reach back with the same amount, for that lucky shot. And I might be a hopeless romantic, but thanks to their example and support I know when to walk away, when what it’s happening doesn’t resemble what I want or deserve. My friends collect the pieces, they never judge but always uplift and comfort me. They just want me to be happy. With myself and/or with someone else, and thanks to them I feel like it’s ok for me to want it too.

Yeah, thank you again coupled friends, for our standards; to give us single something to aim to ( if we feel like it), to let us remember that we deserve a honeymoon period, a text a day, flowers just because, respect, punctuality and reciprocations; tiny notes, sleepy calls and a lot of laughter. We deserve better, and we will have better. Sooner or later.

Finally, fellow singles, keep on looking, never settle! At least not for someone that makes you feel anything less than your own better self. And if your coupled friends show you red flags, trust them and run for the hills, You are the one that matter and you won’t be alone, they’ll be there for you, to pick up the pieces.

 

Happy valentine & galentine day guys!!!
I’m trying a new theme on IG this week,
come and tell me what you think, will you?


pin me!¬

 

Happy New year! Welcome to the first blog posts of 2019!

Lately I thought a lot about all the creative outlets that I have in my life; the way my Instagram and blog are structured and the limits I put on myself for no real reason. I guess sometimes I feel like I need structure and I find myself locked In patterns that after a while trap me and make me feel forced instead of relieved. When this happens I kind of need to evade, having no pattern at all in other aspects of my life, and that causes my mental health to dive down and me disappearing for long periods of times…

My Instagram and blog go hand in hand, they influence each other, they complement each other but, at the moment, they are complete opposites. My instagram is highly structured with a 1:1 ratio of book and lifestyle posts and my blog… well it has no chill.

posting one after the other in an alternate way is relieving because you know you’ll bring an exact 50/50 of content, but it’s also binding! For example, if I don’t actually have content in one or the other category I’m suddenly stuck and I end up not posting until I do! On the other hand, my blog has no structure whatsoever, without a calendar of sorts, fixed columns or anything similar! My aim for 2019 is to mix things up! Loosening up on Instagram and getting a bit of structure on my blog!

What does it entail? 

For Instagram, it means that I’m just going to post whatever I feel like! It’s probably still going to be a 50/50 mix of lifestyle and books but I would like to find enough self-esteem and courage to bring you guys also some plus size fashion shots, or anything with more of me in the picture! I’m Just going to allow myself the flexibility to experiment and play with colours and content, to use pictures in the exact moment I fall in love with them and to find a sort of new theme by trial and error. You will note that my feed will get a bit more messy, colour wise at least, I’ll find my way again, I just have to live it to feel it!  Also, I’m going to post every single day, if I end up missing a day you’ll just get more pictures the next, but I’ll try to be good! I just really hope that this lack of a fixed structure is not just going to make me too lazy for my own good as well as don’t make me fall back into the 1:1 pattern ( as I already kind of am).

What about the blog?

Well for booksandcurves.com is going to be a big year – I hope! I’ve got plans and I’m going to self-host my blog on WordPress as soon as my current subscription runs out so that I will be able to show you the face of this blog as I dream it! At the same time I know I need more stability in order to grow this space and bring it to its full potential! So I’m going to promise a blog post a week, as I’m of the school of setting your goals low and going from there, and then I’m going to push myself and try to post two or maybe three times a week, but I make no promises! I still have no real idea of when exactly my ” posting day” will be, I think the easier way for me would be to try to see which day is the best! Also, I’m going to try and continue to write blog posts daily as I did on blogmas, even if I’m not posting so to try and be ahead to my actual published posts and bring you content even if I’m busy with work and real (?) life. I’m about to start back on my normal working pattern so I should be able to carve myself a sort of routine involving blog writing as well as every other aspect of my life.

Yeah, so, 2019 will be the year when I’ll actually continue and bring my media to their true potential, a journey that I started in the last months of 2019 but that I’m super excited to bring forward in the months to come!

Also! I would like to thank each and every one of you that followed me on Instagram or here on the blog! I recently hit 1k on instagram and 40 followers on the blog, I seriously love you all!

 

This past April saw me deciding to close my 5000+ Instagram profile and the old blog that I kept on trying to open without any success or motivation and decide to start clean. My old blog was clean, blue toned, strictly lifestyle and totally not me. I was trying so hard to be a person that I wasn’t, to emulate bloggers and Instagrammers that I admired and to be a person that I would look up to but that was not the one I naturally felt. Let’s be clear, I wasn’t trying to copy anybody, I was just trying to be what I thought would be a better person of myself, a more aesthetically pleasing, event-goer, fabulous-life-owning version of myself. I was miserable. I hated every single content I created because it felt forced, it felt crafted and unreal; getting out of the house and feign joy was a struggle, finding things to do and documenting them was energy, money and consuming, and unworthy! As a result, I was extremely miserable; my engagement was non-existent and I was incoherent at best with my content. Until one day I got some stuff for free, an opportunity, no strings attached, nothing asked, just because. I knew my follower count had something to do with it, it couldn’t have been, and I felt awful. I went ahead, I had an amazing experience, but throughout the afternoon I couldn’t rid of the feeling of being a fraud. I knew that those people had followed me for a reason, I just didn’t know which reason was it, as my engagement was absolutely non-existent! My post would reach a maximum of 30 people and I would get less than 10 likes and practically no comment! The worst part is that I would talk to anybody! It was not a community, I was lonely and disenchanted, I felt that I couldn’t relate to other Instagrammers as I was not genuine enough, not me and so not worth knowing.  I needed an out, a clean cut, a last try out before giving up completely for myself and my mental health.

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When I decided to actually my new Instagram was almost march ( You won’t find the very first images as I deleted them), I still had not a clue what to do with this new account. I called it “quitechaotics”  since I wanted to connect it to a blog and I didn’t want to use my name for it. It was a name that I loved but didn’t really say anything about me or what topic I would touch! Which was fair since I had no clue of it myself! I needed something to make this account work for myself, to make it a positive and creative outlet but I was so lost…

What saved me and opened my eyes was the account that I decided to upcycle for this new venture.

A couple of years ago for a couple of months I owned a bookstagram, It was full-on and I was definitely not committed to it; It felt exactly like the other account, I felt like I needed to show always different books and I wasn’t really reading, I was obsessed with my follower count and it would stress me out. After I closed it that account was left to die and when I pick it up again had only a couple of inactive followers left to it. what was active tho were the numerous bookstagrammer that I was following. Look, I know I made all this problems for myself, but I never tend to take the easy way out and sometimes knowing yourself is the hardest part, so when one day I sat in front of my laptop and told myself that it was ok not to put a label on my Instagram or my blog, that I could post exclusively what I liked, that I could be a lifestyle blog when my life was cool enough, that I could be a bookstagrammer when I have months in which I just work and then come back home to put myself into bed and read all night, that I could be a plus size fashion blogger when I felt cute and self assured enough to take a picture of myself in a nice dress, that I could just be me and let it shine because if people don’t like me for who I am is their problem, if I don’t like myself for the version I’m giving others that would be my problem; I felt amazing! I was free! I was posting pictures of books as well as anything else I liked, I was full of creativity but most of all I was engaging with fellow Instagrammers and making friends, I was sharing my blog with IRL friends and colleagues and finally feeling good about it.

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I changed my URL in books and curves, which was also the best decision ever, but this changing process, the being yourself act was not an easy one. It took time, it throws me in one of the biggest slumps ever, I’m not good with changes and when I have no clue what to do next is terrifying! But around October I found out that again, it is important to myself and myself only! I pushed through the anxiety, knowing it would be worthy for myself, knowing that It would work out and I found my voice. Once that something clicked in my mind I was open and the world was just there to grab. I could now be myself because I now knew myself. I knew that I could be the sassy writer, the one that is honest and incredibly raw and open, I could be the unapologetic feminist, the finger-snapping unashamed supporter of free will, I could open up and even if nobody would read what I was writing or like the pictures I was taking I have the certainty that I’m doing myself a favour. My mental health has improved so much throughout the end of this year and I solely attribute it to having found back my voice online and recognising my instagram and my blog for the creative outlet they are. They are not an accessory I put on, they are a reflection of myself and for that I’m grateful.

A few months ago someone watching my Instagram feed told me that it was very… ” saturated” at first I took offence to it – clean cut and classy accounts being still the emblem of perfection in my mind –  then I realised that my instagram was just a reflection of myself!  My account is too loud, too messy and too colourful, and I’m more than ok with it! My life might still not be glamorous, I might still not have bookshelves, I’m definitely not Hygge and absolutely not perfect. But I’ll humbly walk into 2019 knowing myself a bit more and looking forward to exploring my creative side and anything that this new year has in store for me.

So here’s to 2018! And to a saturated 2019
Happy New Year