Hi booksters! Today I found myself having to roll out of bed first thing in the Morning to go to work and while doing that I realised something new. I don’t hate Mondays anymore.

Now, It might be because I usually don’t work until 6 pm on a Monday and so I see those days as a “ half off ”  since I only have Sundays as my weekend. But Even today where I couldn’t lounge in bed and do my things, I found myself rather enjoying this previously dreaded day! So I thought, why don’t I bring an old thread of mine out of the B&C archives and try once again to celebrate one day a week just because? It says it takes 3 weeks to form an habit so let’s see if I can stick to this one! Ideally this Monday posts would be a chat between me and you, showing you what I did during the weekend or what I loved recently, books and non, my current obsessions, my gratitudes, shout outs and so on. In fewer words: whatever It’s relevant to me that previous week as well as what I’m looking forward to. I hope it’ll help me visualise my goals and aspiration and, in general, to have a bit more focus. So let’s dive in.

 

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Saying thanks.

This week I find myself in need to say thank you, I am so thankful for my friends, which are fews (but growing) and so Important to my mental health ( as an unaware net of support and honestly general source of joy) I’m so grateful for the things that I can and I am allowed to do, for being able to have people and be in places where, at days, the only obstacle to being me it’s… well, me!
I’m grateful for the prospect of change too, I just need to take that scary step and tidy up my messy life a bit and, who knows, maybe after a time of even more messiness my life will finally be tidy enough to please Marie Kondo ( only with way more books for her comfort)

 

Follow what you love.

One of my New year resolutions and, frankly, the only one I end up actually following was to only read books I knew I would love. I did fall back a couple of times, saying yes to books I knew they weren’t my cup of tea because I felt the FOMO. Generally, I don’t not regret it. It helped me get away from my comfort zone and broaden my horizon, but I like being specific. I like the idea of you guys relying on Books and Curves for slow burn romance and procedurals with the occasional splash of YA and magic! ( I have a magical realism historical fiction book review coming up that will blow your mind. The books are blowing mine. ) So, yeah! Experimenting is good, but what it’s also good  is to know what you like and stick to it, it makes it all more pleasurable!

 

Pick up Limes.

I’m obsessed. I found pick up limes on you tube a while ago and I just can’t stop! I view every single video of hers. I tried her recipes, I printed printables, meditated to Sadia’ s calming voice talking about mindfulness and, honestly? I think She and her team are the force behind this springs of clean, minimalist, healthy living that I’m feeling at the moment! Everything Sadia does is so good and practical, it’s a judge free zone. I never EVER found a healthy food blogger or vlogger that I could follow where I would not end up feeling guilty and awful about myself! Like there was something wrong with me to change! Sadia makes you feel ok with yourself, and preaches an all around mentally, physically and dietary well being that comes from slow and gradual little changes, and where everything is done with flavour and impeccable aesthetic taste! And sure, the Pick up Limes recipes are plant based, but do you really care if they are delicious and give you the same intake of all the good things that you need in your body? I have cut down on so much meat thanks to her recipes and, even if I Italian-bend lots of them, I haven’t tried one that I did not like. ( those hummus, avocado, rocket etc panini are the bomb btw! )

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Cut yourself some slack.

What do they say? You are your toughest judge? I’m not sure if I’m the toughest (I think my mother hold that spot) but I’m pretty judgy of myself. I tend to overwork and when I am too tired to even function I find myself in a work – bed routine that, let’s face it, just makes me pretty unhappy.  However, I am slowly starting to accept the need for inspiration and artistic expression in my life. I do still feel selfish any time I spend money on the blog or I cut myself few hours to write or take photos, but I also know that that’s my way of recharging my batteries! Writing has always been my portable power bank and for the longest time I had forgotten the pleasure of it. Going back to it last year helped me heal so much and I couldn’t be happier about it.

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Now onto some favourites.

  1. My ello cup, I swear by it. It’s super pretty, vacuum sealed and Keeps my tea worm for the entire day. Mind blowing right?
  2. My New instagram Highlights, I’ve decided to cure them more in order to keep up with the new ideas I have for the blog and I’m loving the new little videos that now live in it.
  3. ASOS, because a plus size girl can go on holiday with a decent wardrobe thanks to you. ( HIRE ME PLS)
  4. Those little orange and chocolate vegan bites at whole food that are so expensive but yet so delicious… my mouth is watering *_*
  5. You guys that somehow read me and I still find it mind blowing. Thank you.

 

Well, I guess I’m going to talk to you next Monday then! Feel free to comment with your Monday highlights and I hope you have a lovely week ahead of you.

Kisses as big as my bum. Jess x

Hi, I’m Jess and all my friends are in happy, healthy and committed relationships.
I can’t even say it sucks because it doesn’t! I’m grateful for the people that they are with and for the happiness they share, for the example they set and the position they have in my life. 

I’m a Libra, settle is naturally my second name. My friends are the ones to thank when it comes to the high standards that I now have and their ability to remain strong in place. But it’s not only that, no. I have to thank them for never making me feel like the fifth one out, for appreciating me for me – as a person – and not as the half of something that it’s not there. They don’t see fault in my singletude, they see a bright person that is part of their life ( I hope).
It’s also to say that it’s thanks to the total absence of ” we need to find you someone”  and ” when you’ll have what we have you’ll understand” That I have the confidence and the absolute strength to love me first. It’s thanks to people like my friends that I don’t put my self worth in other people: if there is no one there to romance me, I’m still valid and still fabulous.
Sure, it’s also their absolute fault that I do crave a partner and that – after everything –  I still believe in love! But it’s a healthy crave, one that speaks of want and not need, of companionship and laughter; and of liking them for who they are and how they slot right in with me. It’s thanks to them that I don’t try to change, to bend and do the same to the first bastard that likes me back. You can’t complete a puzzle just pushing pieces together because you want them to go where they don’t belong. 

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So, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for Silvia and Julia that are goofy and loving. For Alice and Josh that are surprising and understanding, and I’m thankful for every other coupled friend I have because, without you, my life would probably be both hopeless and miserable: I fall too easily and too quickly. I give my all in the hope that someone out there will reach back with the same amount, for that lucky shot. And I might be a hopeless romantic, but thanks to their example and support I know when to walk away, when what it’s happening doesn’t resemble what I want or deserve. My friends collect the pieces, they never judge but always uplift and comfort me. They just want me to be happy. With myself and/or with someone else, and thanks to them I feel like it’s ok for me to want it too.

Yeah, thank you again coupled friends, for our standards; to give us single something to aim to ( if we feel like it), to let us remember that we deserve a honeymoon period, a text a day, flowers just because, respect, punctuality and reciprocations; tiny notes, sleepy calls and a lot of laughter. We deserve better, and we will have better. Sooner or later.

Finally, fellow singles, keep on looking, never settle! At least not for someone that makes you feel anything less than your own better self. And if your coupled friends show you red flags, trust them and run for the hills, You are the one that matter and you won’t be alone, they’ll be there for you, to pick up the pieces.

 

Happy valentine & galentine day guys!!!
I’m trying a new theme on IG this week,
come and tell me what you think, will you?


pin me!¬

 

This past April saw me deciding to close my 5000+ Instagram profile and the old blog that I kept on trying to open without any success or motivation and decide to start clean. My old blog was clean, blue toned, strictly lifestyle and totally not me. I was trying so hard to be a person that I wasn’t, to emulate bloggers and Instagrammers that I admired and to be a person that I would look up to but that was not the one I naturally felt. Let’s be clear, I wasn’t trying to copy anybody, I was just trying to be what I thought would be a better person of myself, a more aesthetically pleasing, event-goer, fabulous-life-owning version of myself. I was miserable. I hated every single content I created because it felt forced, it felt crafted and unreal; getting out of the house and feign joy was a struggle, finding things to do and documenting them was energy, money and consuming, and unworthy! As a result, I was extremely miserable; my engagement was non-existent and I was incoherent at best with my content. Until one day I got some stuff for free, an opportunity, no strings attached, nothing asked, just because. I knew my follower count had something to do with it, it couldn’t have been, and I felt awful. I went ahead, I had an amazing experience, but throughout the afternoon I couldn’t rid of the feeling of being a fraud. I knew that those people had followed me for a reason, I just didn’t know which reason was it, as my engagement was absolutely non-existent! My post would reach a maximum of 30 people and I would get less than 10 likes and practically no comment! The worst part is that I would talk to anybody! It was not a community, I was lonely and disenchanted, I felt that I couldn’t relate to other Instagrammers as I was not genuine enough, not me and so not worth knowing.  I needed an out, a clean cut, a last try out before giving up completely for myself and my mental health.

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When I decided to actually my new Instagram was almost march ( You won’t find the very first images as I deleted them), I still had not a clue what to do with this new account. I called it “quitechaotics”  since I wanted to connect it to a blog and I didn’t want to use my name for it. It was a name that I loved but didn’t really say anything about me or what topic I would touch! Which was fair since I had no clue of it myself! I needed something to make this account work for myself, to make it a positive and creative outlet but I was so lost…

What saved me and opened my eyes was the account that I decided to upcycle for this new venture.

A couple of years ago for a couple of months I owned a bookstagram, It was full-on and I was definitely not committed to it; It felt exactly like the other account, I felt like I needed to show always different books and I wasn’t really reading, I was obsessed with my follower count and it would stress me out. After I closed it that account was left to die and when I pick it up again had only a couple of inactive followers left to it. what was active tho were the numerous bookstagrammer that I was following. Look, I know I made all this problems for myself, but I never tend to take the easy way out and sometimes knowing yourself is the hardest part, so when one day I sat in front of my laptop and told myself that it was ok not to put a label on my Instagram or my blog, that I could post exclusively what I liked, that I could be a lifestyle blog when my life was cool enough, that I could be a bookstagrammer when I have months in which I just work and then come back home to put myself into bed and read all night, that I could be a plus size fashion blogger when I felt cute and self assured enough to take a picture of myself in a nice dress, that I could just be me and let it shine because if people don’t like me for who I am is their problem, if I don’t like myself for the version I’m giving others that would be my problem; I felt amazing! I was free! I was posting pictures of books as well as anything else I liked, I was full of creativity but most of all I was engaging with fellow Instagrammers and making friends, I was sharing my blog with IRL friends and colleagues and finally feeling good about it.

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I changed my URL in books and curves, which was also the best decision ever, but this changing process, the being yourself act was not an easy one. It took time, it throws me in one of the biggest slumps ever, I’m not good with changes and when I have no clue what to do next is terrifying! But around October I found out that again, it is important to myself and myself only! I pushed through the anxiety, knowing it would be worthy for myself, knowing that It would work out and I found my voice. Once that something clicked in my mind I was open and the world was just there to grab. I could now be myself because I now knew myself. I knew that I could be the sassy writer, the one that is honest and incredibly raw and open, I could be the unapologetic feminist, the finger-snapping unashamed supporter of free will, I could open up and even if nobody would read what I was writing or like the pictures I was taking I have the certainty that I’m doing myself a favour. My mental health has improved so much throughout the end of this year and I solely attribute it to having found back my voice online and recognising my instagram and my blog for the creative outlet they are. They are not an accessory I put on, they are a reflection of myself and for that I’m grateful.

A few months ago someone watching my Instagram feed told me that it was very… ” saturated” at first I took offence to it – clean cut and classy accounts being still the emblem of perfection in my mind –  then I realised that my instagram was just a reflection of myself!  My account is too loud, too messy and too colourful, and I’m more than ok with it! My life might still not be glamorous, I might still not have bookshelves, I’m definitely not Hygge and absolutely not perfect. But I’ll humbly walk into 2019 knowing myself a bit more and looking forward to exploring my creative side and anything that this new year has in store for me.

So here’s to 2018! And to a saturated 2019
Happy New Year